While celebrating mother’s day was a focus of the trip, the main reason was to help her find housing.  At my encouragement several years ago Tracy bought a condo in downtown Baltimore.  She is a high school English teacher at an inner city school.  She is also enrolled in an MFA (Masters in Fine Art) program at the University of Baltimore.  Her condo is on the basement level and has been broken into a couple of times during her tenure there.  Nothing, however, prepared us for what happened in her condo a couple of weeks ago.  At 2 in the morning a Molotov cocktail was thrown through her bedroom window.  I guess shock does funny things to the psyche because she picked up the Smirnoff bottle and through it into her kitchen sink so afraid was she of her place catching on fire.  Kerosene infused flames erupted singeing her cabinets.  Gathering cats and clothes she escaped the smoke engulfed rooms to a neighbor’s place.

It was the kind of phone call every parent dreads- the one that comes in the middle of the night…concerning your child… with bad news.  My heart is beating faster and the panic I felt returns even as I write this.  She was so calm.  Multiple firemen, police and detectives occupied this burn zone until way into the morning.  There was an offer to relocate her to another place.  “We’ll add extra patrols to this area.  Your number is in our data-base.  If you call 911, we will be to your place in two minutes.”  Somewhat comforting I suppose, but not enough.

So Mother’s Day weekend was about finding a safe place for my little girl.  She kept using that word “safe”.  A safe neighborhood out of the city…a place up high where burning bottles could not easily penetrate glass windows.  Safety.  I think she is experiencing some form of PTSD.  I know I am on her behalf.  The good news is that we were successful.  We found an apartment she can occupy immediately.  It is in the midst of an Orthodox Jewish enclave.  Her own Temple is nearby.

It was so hard to leave her yesterday.  Even though my children are adults and live away, they are still my children.  People talk about children reaching adulthood.  The age of that transitions seems to keep shifting..18, 21, 30. But whether it be 2, 22, or 52, I have a feeling there is no end-date for mothering. There is no age of retirement.  And I wouldn’t want it any other way.  The unmitigated joy of hearing my daughter’s words read at a literary conference; seeing her appreciation of the art I so love, of our shared values; feeling the nurturing part of her mothering me on occasion…these are the rewards of mothering, making those middle of the night scary phone calls worth it.

Tracy at UB

My husband dubbed me a “Clay Writer” because I like to think I write with clay and sculpt with words.  And that is how this book, and its companion book proposal, has evolved. It has been a process of sculpting each word as if it were made from the colorful polymer clay I use to create the illustrations for the book.  Needless to say, there is more than a bit of ego involvement in this endeavor.

Prior to submitting the proposal to a potential publisher we asked a few people to review the proposal.  I failed to anticipate how vulnerable I was making myself by subjecting this work to public scrutiny.  Our first reviewer (whose opinion mattered a great deal to me) was surgeon-like with their editing scalpel.  I’m not sure what I expected from these reviewers.  I naively assumed the response would be praise and applause, not necessarily a critique of academic proportions.  Despite the fact the criticisms were spot on and will help to make the proposal a more effective document, I was crushed.  I even felt a measure of shame.  You see I spend an inordinate amount of time researching, writing, and sculpting.  I have often hidden these endeavors from my linear lawyer friends out of fear they may think it’s silly or a waste of time.  (You see, even at 60 I still care what others think) But creativity is funny.  It’s kind of like breathing.  I can’t fathom living without it.

After a day of self-doubt I shared the critique with my very creative 34 year old writer daughter.  Having experienced this on a few occasions, she rushed to reassure me.  “Mom, would you trust a child you created to just anyone? Your art work and words are your creations and should be entrusted to people who will nurture and encourage these ideas .”  Unless I’m being paid for future creative efforts I’m going to choose my audience carefully.  My daughter said to send future comments her way and she will act as my filter as to what to keep and what to delete.  I like that idea.  Creative expression, though fun and fulfilling, is really nerve wracking.

I’m a journal writer and I noted this experience in a journal entry.  As I listened to this interior monologue it occurred to me this creative quest of mine is no less than a spiritual one.  Perhaps God is an essential truth within ourselves.  To deny this part of myself to pursue something more linear, is to deny the God within, what we are called to become in this life.  Pretty lofty, huh?  Or maybe just a rationalization to permit myself to do what I really want to do.

As a Baby Boomer with Millennial children, I was curious as to what my peers thought about this issue.  I was fascinated by the findings of a new BoomerOpinions survey asking the following question: Which of these two generations (the Boomers or the Millennials) do you think are undergoing the most stress as a result of the recent economic crisis?  Fifty-one percent of the Baby Boomer respondents said they believed both generations were experiencing equal amounts of stress.

The data from this survey revealed Boomers are experiencing considerable anxiety about their adult children. Don’t forget these are the parents of the kids in the Millennial Generation, and Boomer parents tend to only be as happy as their saddest child.  41% say they consider it at least a somewhat serious problem that their children have incurred student loans;  45% say their adult children have been unable to find a job of their choice.  Baby Boomers haven’t been labeled “Generation Squeeze” for naught.   Thirty-one percent (31%) are caring for aging parents, while 33% are supporting adult children.

Admittedly I’m a little biased given my status as a Boomer, but in a stress competition, I would have to say Boomers win.  They not only have to worry about their own financial plights, but those of their children as well.  No matter how much our kids love us, they generally will assert their own needs before anyone else’s.  Thus, their stress is focused on their own individual situation while Boomer anxiety is divided between themselves and their children.  But, even if Boomers win in this contest, I don’t think the prize is one worth coveting.

If you are a Baby Boomer and would like to participate in BoomerOpinions online surveys, visit

http://boomers.micropanel.com/ to sign up.  It is a cool site.

Boomers vs. Millennials

Wow, as a Lady Boomer I find these statistics more than a little depressing. But they made me think of another article I read, also in the New York Times entitled, Goodbye Golden Years. Harvard economist, Edward Glaeser cited statistics similar to those above. He noted, “Retirement seems out of the question for increasing numbers of Americans who are saddled with debt and whose savings evaporated during the recent bust.” But rather than wallowing in depression and self doubt, Glaser suggested that what American Baby Boomers need is more entrepreneurship.

Glaser pointed out that West Palm Beach, a retiree haven, has the highest self-employment rate of any metropolitan area in the nation, consistent with other areas in the country attracting older Americans. Self-employment makes sense because it allows for more control over working hours and conditions. And our generation loves control.
Many of us have spent years waking up at 6:00 am to be at a job we found depleting. If we are not going to be able to kick back, drive a golf cart and play bridge all day, lets envision a different kind of retirement for ourselves. Here are a few suggestions:

- Develop an exercise plan; join a YMCA or other gym; walk or ride a bike. We are going to need to stay healthy for this next phase, and exercise is a critical component. Make sure your employment endeavors can accommodate your exercise schedule, so you don’t have to be going to the gym at 5:30 in the morning.

-Choose an enterprise that fits your circadian rhythm (internal clock) one that allows you to arise and go to bed at a time best suited for you
-delve into your psyche through journaling or quiet reflections; explore what you have a passion for. You may want to undergo a personality assessment to discover a field that suits you.

-Make it fun. We are the generation who invented rock and roll. We like to have fun.

I’m not trying to offer Pollyanna platitudes here, but I also think we have to make chicken salad out of chicken #### (expletive deleted). This economic recession has adversely impacted virtually everyone I know, including myself. But I do think we have to find some element of goodness in the midst of adversity.

Now is your chance…Here’s to meeting your entrepreneurial self this year.