Viking: The Cruise Where Romance Goes to Die

I have enjoyed the luxury of traveling on two Viking river cruises and one Viking ocean cruise over the past few years.  And they have been fabulous.  I'm craving cruising with them right now. But I have to say, I think one of their cruising competitors could come up with an effective marketing message simply by saying: 

Want romance? Then don’tsail Viking.  Instead sail with us onCelebrity, Carnival, Royal Caribbean….

I’ll probably get sued for slander but I really think I'm only stating the obvious. From my pool deck perch the first thing I observed was that men congregate with men and women with women.  I know I know, who knows what goes on behind stateroom doors but looking at this bathing suit clad crowd, I just can’t see many hook-ups happening.   Not being an avid sunbather at +55 communities, I failed to realize how few moms in the 1940s and ‘50s properly instructed their sons to avoid “manspreading”. 

Manspreading, for the uninitiated (count me among the previously uninitiated) is the practice whereby a man adopts a sitting position with his legs wide apart.  Apparently the practice has been banned in Madrid since spread eagle sitting takes up too many seats on public transportation. 

But aside from transportation seat real estate issues, I’m opposed to the practice while wearing a bathing suit in a public area.  Do they really think those little net jobs cover much? 

I was constantly having to avert my eyes.  

A 72 year old full Monty is just not cool.  I feel a great deal of love and loyalty to a certain man’s aging balls but not the rest of them. 

Girls are coached, even nagged bytheir parents to “always keep your knees together”.  “Be ladylike when you are sitting”.  “Keep your thighs, knees, and ankles inconstant contact.”  Men still have notreceived that memo.

In case I required another lesson in men’s immodesty, I observed an 80ish year old man as he staggered into the atrium bar/coffee shop wearing only the requisite white terry cloth robe provided by the ship (to be worn only in the spa, stateroom, or pool deck) and clutching all his clothes, including the boxers he had retrieved in route from the spa.  Sidling up to the bar he began talking loudly to the bartender.  "You are from the Philippines, right?"  He exclaims. " I love Philippinos, one took care of me after my surgery." 

The wait staff must have a betting game as to who can tell the most outrageous passenger behavior stories.  

I guess this experience has informed me of yet another reason to stay married to your original squeeze.  I might not be tempted to date again.  #somethingsyoujustcan’tunsee.