A Color-Coded Dating Trend

Summer is the season for flags, typically red, white, and blue ones if you happen to be living in the US. I, however, have been focused on beige flags. Given my beige-o-phobia, you are probably scratching your head at the previous sentence. I’ve been interested in the “Beige Flag” trend in modern dating. My friend Val Marmillion sent me a link to a New York Times story asking, “What is a beige flag?”. Social media describes it as “odd habits of a romantic partner that fall somewhere between a green and a red flag. Just like traffic signals, green flags mean go. Demonstrations of honesty, kindness, and a willingness to clean up kid and dog vomit typically fall into the category of green flags. Red flags are the deal breakers, i.e., infidelity, bad dental hygiene, abuse of wait staff, etc.

 Beige flags are those that give you a three second pause, often followed by, huh? or a head scratch. They aren’t necessarily deal breakers but more a recognition that human beings aren’t perfect and most of us (I would wager to say all of us) have idiosyncrasies. Examples of beige flags mined from the internet:

Obviously, some of these quirks might well be deal breakers. It depends upon the tolerance of the partner or the other myriad positive attributes mitigating these annoying behaviors.

 Tik Tok seems to be the first social media source to note this term, which leads me to believe it is most often applied to romantic partners in their twenties, thirties, and forties. But what about romantic partners in their sixties, seventies, and eighties? Do members of this age demographic experience beige flag syndrome in their relationships too? (What are we, chopped liver?) Given my propensity to play with colors, I decided “Grey Flags” should be the color coded designation for those annoying but not deal-breaking behaviors experienced by the older set.

 So, what would constitute a grey flag in the relationship world of post-middle-aged adults? Possibilities:

I will be the first to throw myself under the bus and confess to one of my own beige flags. I can’t resist ordering multiple beverages. A glass of wine offers a little buzz I enjoy, the caffeine from my iced tea keeps me awake and alert, and water quenches my thirst. This liquid combination of caffeination, hydration, and intoxication really is the perfect triumvirate. I thought this idiosyncratic drink habit of mine was invisible. But friends and family members delight in calling attention to my beverage addiction.

I’m not sure whether it’s my lengthy drink order that attracts attention or the fact that my thirst-quenching threesome encroaches on my dinner companions’ table space, but my tablemates can’t resist making comments like, “There she goes again with her three drinks!” Sometimes my friends even jump in to order for me. Nevertheless, I’m undaunted.  believe in my sipping strategy. (Referring to the above list of potential gray flags, I am also guilty of excessively pausing, even postponing, streaming shows my husband and I watch. I recognize this could be a red flag, even divorce-able one, within some relationships. Thank goodness Jim is kind and tolerant.)

I would love to gather data from you all, dear readers. What constitutes a grey flag to you. Please email or comment.  We can start our own color-coded relationship trend.

On another note…I am trying to grow the readership for my Be Brave. Lose the Beige blog. I would be so grateful if you would consider forwarding this email to friends who might be interested in subscribing. They can click on this link and scroll down to sign up. Thank you thank you!